MCR: Suicide Cult

Indirecting my mom yet again. She’s the only one who reads this thing, so it’s kinda weird. Now, regarding my last posts, some songs had “violent”, to quote my mother, lyrics.

I don’t really care about that. I mean, the Misfits are a punk band from New Jersey, they aren’t going to have a positive message. It’s full of anger. i just realized that’s a bad argument because mcr is kind of a punk band and they’re from new jersey forget what i just wrote ok

The thing bugging is me is that she specifically called out MCR. Now, the poor guys are the cutest people in the world. I promise you, Gerard might look really freaking scary in that vampire makeup in 2005, but they’re all the sweetest guys.

Also, they were on Yo Gabba Gabba.




Anyway. Back to the point. MCR promote meaningful and positive messages in their lyrics that have helped a lot of people. Anyone who has ever called them “emo” or a “suicide cult” (remember when the daily mail called them satanic? promoting violence?? i’m laughing really hard), read this and take back your words. I italicized my favorite lyrics. (BY THE WAY! MY BLOG HEADER IS AN MCR LYRIC!)

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Mixtape Monday – Punk&Rock

Second edition of MM here! This is a programmed post because I’m trying to get into art school, and I have a lot of work.

The theme today is punk AND rock. There’s a lot of people actually debating on what the genre is. People are arguing over what is “punk” (that’s why i added rock haha). I don’t know, and I don’t care. Here are songs that I listen to a lot, and I really like.

Desolation Row – My Chemical Romance

Now at midnight all the agents
And superhuman crew
Go out and round up everyone
That knows more than they do
(Knows more than they do)

They’re gonna bring ‘em to the factory
Where the heart-attack machine
Is strapped across their shoulders
And then the kerosene

Okay, this song is my favorite thing in the world. My Chem? Have you seen the music video? Have you actually watched it? Have you read Watchmen? I can’t describe this, it’s just so so good okay bye

(no seriously if you have never seen or listened to this, just watch it PLEASE? LOOK AT THEM CMON! I’d kill a man to have the uncut footage of this)

Blood On My Hands – The Used

You felt the coldness in my eyes,
and something I’m not revealing.
Though you got used to my disguise,
you can’t shed this awful feeling.

It’s the me that I let you know,
’cause I never show – I have my reasons.
I hate to say that I told you so,
but I told you so, yeah!

There’s blood on my hands
like the blood in you.
Some things can’t be treated
so don’t make me,
don’t make me be myself around you.

Again, not very punk? I just adore the Used? Leave me alone.

Helena – The Misfits

Her beauty so illogical
The beast come gliding in
Hideous chameleon stripped down to her skin
Dance to the burning flame
Pleasure exhumes the pain
The night bursts into flame
Dance Helena… Dance

If I cut off your arms and cut off your legs
Would you still love me anyway?
There’s a spot on the floor where your limbs used to be
And I close the door on my fantasies
Why don’t you love me anyway?


DUDE! This is the first song I had listened by The Misfits. It’s so good. Lyrics aside!

“Bodysnatchers 4 Ever” - LeATHERMOUTH

A second chance, take a life, another mission
To steal a kiss from borrowed lips I taste your prison.
It feels like a lifetime
Of leaving bodies on the sidelines.
I swear to God, girl, you’re never gonna regret this.
Close your eyes, this will only take a second.
Though these veins are borrowed,
This heart only beats for you.

One! Two! Three! Four!
Their shells disposable, oh so expendable.
Shut it! Shut it! Shut it! Shut it out!
Of your pretty mind. They never cared for you.

ft. Frank’s angelic voice. Listen to this when you’re really angry.

Ten Rings – Pencey Prep

Learn to live with decisions that you made.
Learned things from the break that I can’t forget.
Catch you doing drive-bys at 1 am,
It must kill you to know that we can’t be friends.

End of the summer, you cut me off.
I cut you out of the pictures I have.

Stop calling my house

Pencey Prep is my go-to band. And Ten Rings is my go-to song. Do you understand how much I love Frank Iero? This playlist is horrible. I love all these songs so much, I write like I’m 5 years old.

If You Want Blood (You Got It) – AC/DC

The shit that they toss to you
Feelin’ like a christian
Locked in a cage
Thrown to the lions
On the second page
If you want blood, you got it

NGL, AC/DC is like the only classic rock band I listen to. Sorry not sorry.

Bullet with Butterfly Wings – Smashing Pumpkins

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

Even though I know – I suppose I’ll show
All my cool and cold – like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Smashing Pumpkins is legendary; had to include them here.

I just want to include great MCR songs now. Can I do that? I’m going to do that.

Black Dragon Fighting Society – My Chemical Romance

Yeah I drink juice when I’m killing cause it’s fucking delicious

Hiding in the portrait our atomic stun
When I get the dirt we’ll comeallylution ?

We got a medical emergency
A medical emergency
We got a medical emergency
A medical emergency

That first line is priceless, guys. Princeless.

FTWWW – My Chemical Romance

Turn up the fakes and lies, just answer me,
You stare me down and take my only guise
They need the ones you got,
And laugh for me,
Destroy the council while your mother cries

All the Danger Days B-SIDES GIVE ME LIFE.

My Way Home Is Through You – My Chemical Romance

We’re not here to pay a compliment,
Or sing about the government,
Oxycontin genocide,
Adolescent suicide,
I’ll give you my sincerity,
{Don’t give} a fuck about a Kennedy,
Here’s what I’ve got to say.

Again, this is a B-SIDE! I don’t understand why it didn’t get to be in the final album. It’s so so good.

I’m going to leave you with this. This is basically an MCR playlist. I was uninspired. MCR is so good. It’s going to be 700 days since they broke up. They’ll be back by the end of 2016 though. No worries, right?




The day I finally saw Gerard Way.

You don’t know how much this means to me.

Just writing thinking about it makes me tear up.

I’ve been waiting for this day since I know MCR, which is since March 2013. The month before their breakup (this is another sad story for another day).

My Chemical Romance impacted me for better or for worse, my life kind of changed. They helped me see the positive side of things, and kind of get out of a “dark” period of my life. Ultra cliché and emo of me to say, I know, I’m queen of the emos.

It had been around 666 days (oh lord) since I had wanted to meet him and when I finally did, I couldn’t process what was happening. He’s the man that made me want to continue making art. That made me love art. He legitimately helped me in a way. It’s kind of wrong to say, because the band helped me, but he was such a big part of it. He was the one singing the songs and talking to us.

The moment I knew he was touring in Europe, I got very excited. I had a chance to see such an important person to me. Be in the same room as him. Hear him sing and talk to us. I do not agree with the career path he chose, leaving such a band in a, must I say, selfish manner. But I’m very glad he can still keep making music and being happy. Hesitant Alien won’t impact me like MCR at all. I like the songs, I know the lyrics to the whole album, but it’s different.

When I got the tickets to see him in Paris, I cried. It was on Christmas. I opened a present which seemed to be a box of chocolates, I was a little disappointed because I had seen that box of chocolates was given to my mom and it was a re-gift from her part. Then, my mother told me to open the box, and at that moment I still had no idea. I opened the box and there was a little plastic envelope with the tickets to see Mr. Way. I immediately burst into tears. I can’t begin to tell you how I feel about this man or his music.

I put a countdown on my phone. Everyday I checked and got more and more excited, until the week of the concert came. I remember that when I checked my phone and saw the countdown, I’d sometimes cry (because again, that’s the only emotion I could compute, thanks G). We packed our things and grabbed the train Saturday morning. My mom was coming with me instead of my dad. Being the amazing mother that she is, she’d planned a very cultural weekend. We went and did two of the most famous museums in Paris in two days: Le Musée d’Orsay and the Louvre. That weekend was definitely amazing, and deserves it’s own blog post.



I started queuing at around 4:30 pm. My mother and I had grabbed some McDonald’s beforehand. The crowd there was the nicest you could possibly imagine. I went to see some people I had talked to before coming to the concert. Alex being the manager of the french MCR fanpage, I went to join her and we talked a while. I then met two other girls that flew all the way from Toulouse and we talked until my friend Lucia came over (along with her friend, Anna, which was a huge anime fan!). They had some problems getting to the venue because of traffic. I wish I had taken more pictures with her because this was our first time meeting each other. My mom took the picture while we were waiting and we took a selfie inside the Trabendo (which is really bad, because there were blue lights blinding us so the lighting is more than terrible). You don’t know this but I also bought MCR merch while I was in line! Funny story, I had been searching for a particular MCR jacket that was limited to their Danger Days tour. It was the Americana Hoodie Mikey wore once. It’s relatively rare and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I think I was extremely, extremely lucky to find it. This girl wanted to sell it and she was ready to send it to me until she realized I was going to G’s concert too, so we could exchange goods there. And we did. I love it so much, contrary to my mother, but hey!



We talked and we talked and we talked until the gates opened. I already started squealing. I was so, so excited. Security check, scanned tickets and we were in. My mom didn’t come with me in the crowd and stayed at the back, while I immediately went to take my place. I was third row, which isn’t bad considering some people woke up at 3 in the morning to be at the barrier. Opening act started. It was a band called Nothing But Thieves. They were amazing. I really liked their music. You should check them out, they’re great upcoming artists.



After they played, we waited another 30-ish minutes for G to start playing. They opened the concert with The Bureau. I’m really lucky to have a setlist, it’s hung up just over my computer. There are also handwritten notes from him on it. Thanks again, mom.



From then on, my pictures and videos are pretty much unusable. I kindly asked fellow IG user @effy_kinney to send me some picture she took.  The picture above is her’s and the ones below too. Full credit to her, and thanks again for letting me use them.



I saw lemon Gerard. That’s a life achievement. He changes his hair so often. As I’m writing it he has cut it shorter and dyed it to a blue-y grey. I don’t want to ramble too much but I do want him to dye it back to black. What an era. Anyway, it was the best concert I’ve been to just because Gerard was standing in front of me. He also sang two exclusive songs, one being something we had never heard of before for the encore. He was so cute I can’t even start to tell you. At one point everyone started chanting “Gerard” but because of everyone’s french accent, it sounded pretty different from his name. He didn’t understand it at first then he laughed and though we were telling him “Get out!” instead of “Gerard”. He told us it was a pretty lame chant, I agree. We should have pulled off something they did in Germany.  (FYI: They started chanting, kind of aggressively, “you have beautiful hair” and Gerard’s reaction is priceless. This was when he was still in MCR)

I could describe the whole concert for hours, but this post is already super long. Let’s just say I cried a lot and I jumped a lot and it was amazing.

When it was finished, my mom had talked this guy into getting us a setlist and some lighting notes! My mom also bought me merch without me even asking her. She’s a blessing. I got a mug, poster and tote bag.

I saw Gerard Way.

Thanks for the venom.

Read 50 Books This Year

One of my new year’s resolution was to read 50 books this year. This is pretty attainable.

I’ll update this post all year with a list of the books I’ve read. But I’ll also try to post one of these a month, writing very short reviews for each book and a grade out of 10.

What I do not know if whether to include fanfiction. You see, I’ve been reading a bunch of fanfiction; they’re all very long. My favorite thing I’ve read up to now is ASOTM which is a fanfic, but to be honest, didn’t feel like one. The author is trying to get it published as a book and it’s fantastic. It’s pretty heartbreaking and is approx 140k words. Such a “long” read should be counted as a book. I only read 5 fanfictions per month max. I’ve already attained my maximum this month. But, anyway…


1.  Forgive me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick (288 pages) EN

2. Before I Die by Jenny Downham (336 pages) EN

3. The Dove Keeper by Evelyn Deshane (626 pages) EN

Currently Reading:

Just finished The Dove Keeper. It was 1 million words long give me a break.

To start:

  • De sang-froid by Truman Capote FR
  • Le Chien des Baskerville by Arthur Conan Doyle FR
  • Le Horla de Maupassant FR
  • Le diable s’habille en Prada de Lauren Weisberger FR
  • Dune de Frank Herbert FR
  • Les fourmis de Bernard Werber FR
  • Le livre du voyage de Bernard Werber FR
  • Le rouge et le noir de Stendhal FR
  • Des Souris et des Hommes John Steinbeck FR
  • Les fleurs du mal de Baudelaire FR
  • Madame Bovary de Gustave Flaubert FR

Mixtape Monday – Frerard

I’m going to start a new series. I know, I’m hopeless. Now, I adore music, y’all already probably know. So I create lots of playlists to listen to. This one is the most heartbreaking to me, it’s all about… heartbreak. I actually got inspired about frerard to make this one. I took a bunch of Frank’s favorite songs (or ones he used in his #songofthemoment twitter era) and put them all in one playlist. I’m so sad for him.

1. So Much For The Afterglow -Everclear

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“This is a song about the everyday occurrences
That make you feel like letting go
Yes, I think we’ve got a problem
So much for the afterglow

This is a song about the way things are
This is a song about the scary things you see

From the corner of your eyes
Don’t you wonder why?

So much for the afterglow

I remember we could talk about anything
I remember when we used to want to hang out
We never talk about the future
We never talk about the past anymore
We never ask ourselves the questions
To the answers that nobody even wants to know

I guess the honeymoon’s over
Oh well, oh well
Yes, I guess we need the drama”

There’s a theme in these lyrics about emotional distance. This recurring theme of emotional struggle for Frank. He knows in his heart that their relationship is impossible – it’s for the best – but knowing it doesn’t make anything easier.

2. Cry -The Used

“I’m gonna let you bleed for a little bit,
I’m gonna make you beg just for making me cry.
I’m gonna make you wish you never said goodbye”

This is exactly what I would imagine Frank would say to Gerard. This is self-explanatory. I put this song in just because I really love it and it fit the theme.

3. Why It Scares Me -La Dispute

Listen to the song, read the lyrics. It’s crazy how this relates to frerard- from Frank’s POV. It’s so evident.

“At times I’ve shouted out unprovoked, at the world and you
Just to see if the people around me react”


“Sometimes I think they’re all acting
At times I’m scared that I’m acting too

Like my movements are stage directions”


“Maybe I just think about it all so much
That the fear stays close to all the ghosts I’ve touched
Makes me question
Was it love, or just lust?”

Okay, this is so relevant to Frank, it’s unbelievable. This song is on point. I was screaming (figure of speech…) when he tweeted that.

4. You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us In Prison -My Chemical Romance

The Frerard anthem. This is their song. Just watch how they interacted on stage during that song. After their fight, Frank took this song off the setlist. This is so blatantly obvious. I’m not going to go into too much detail but…

Now, but I can’t
And I don’t know
How we’re just two men as God had made us,
Well, I can’t…well, I can!
Too much, too late, or just not enough of this
Pain in my heart for your dying wish,
I’ll kiss your lips again.

That line is really telling of their relationship… “How we’re just two men as God has made us”. Gerard was brought up catholic and taught that homosexuality was a sin. This of course led to him being unsure about being open with Frank and leading to their breakup. This was at the time Gerard was suicidal/taking drugs.

5. Leviathan -LeATHERMOUTH

Ah, LeATHERMOUTH. This was such an interesting project. It’s such an insight to what he’s actually feeling. The lyrics are pretty much inaudible but we can understand a few parts;

“Who’s a killer? Who’s a killer? Who’s a killer? Who’s a killer? Who’s a killer?”

“I don’t give a shit who you know

[inaudible] – the time to tear apart my head – [inaudible]
And his face is where I sleep
He is a coward and I need more time to get it across to you how fucking [inaudible]”

“You can fucking get drunk on your own and I will leave you alone.”

“I don’t know what he’s doing and I don’t give a fuck.”

“There’s so much blood and I don’t fucking see anything.”

“I’m not talking shit, I’m not five years-old
You’re a liar and you’re going round [inaudible] – I feel sick
And all the whispers of get the fucking [inaudible] – you sound like you’re Dead Mike.”

At the time Frankie wrote that song while MCR was on hiatus and he was so frustrated/angry at Gerard because he has decided the band was over. The blood could represent the mess Gerard is making. This is all very metaphorical, but we’ve all read Frank’s (and f.t.willz’!) poems. He’s always been like that. Sidenote! ‘Leviathan’ is the gatekeeper of hell, and given what the song seems to be about, it makes perfect sense that it is a metaphor for Gerard. He is the ‘gatekeeper’; the one that controls where everyone goes, including Frank and the band in general. The ‘hell’ he is gatekeeping can be either 1) his heart, when it comes to Frank, and 2) the life of the band, which he has the final say over whether they break up or stay together (which we saw happen on the 23rd of March 2013, right guys?)

6. The World Is Ugly -My Chemical Romance

Oh! Right! Let us not forget ‘The World Is Ugly’. That came out of nowhere. Literally the month before Frank and Jamia were due to get married, we had Gerard suddenly bearing his soul onstage with the most emotional song he’s ever written. Why on earth was he so utterly heartbroken when he had literally JUST married Lindsey? Why was he singing lyrics like “I would say I’m sorry, but I really need to go” and “There’s an ache in my heart and there’s a burning in my eyes”? The song just screamed ‘frerard’. I think he was missing Frank and regretting pushing him away, second-guessing his decision to marry Lindsey. (And I think Frank missed him too, if the ‘I miss you terribly’ heart tattoo he got on his arm in 2008 is anything to go by). Well, anyway, this is pretty much the most depressing song in the history of the world, and Gerard sang it just after he got married to Lindsey, which is a time he should surely have been happy… They’re so subtle, right guys? I’ll put the whole lyrics because they’re so, so subtle.

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don’t beat like ours
They burn ‘cause they are all afraid
For every one of us, there’s an army of them
But you’ll never fight alone
‘Cause I wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Well are you thinking of me now

These are the nights and the lights that we fade in
These are the words but the words aren’t coming out
They burn ‘cause they are hard to say
For every failing sun, there’s a morning after
Though I’m empty when you go (Frank getting married)
I just wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I’m thinking of you
I would say I’m sorry, though
Though I really need to go
I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to know
I wanted you to know
I’m thinking of you every night, every day

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don’t beat like ours
They burn ‘cause they are all afraid
When mine beats twice as hard

Stop your crying, helpless feeling
Dry your eyes and start believing
There’s one thing they’ll never take from you

(And we’ll never be the same
Like ghosts in the snow
Like ghosts in the sun)

The studio version of The World Is Ugly is completely different to the live version, but the message still stands: “Life is hard, but we’ll get through it. We’ll get through this break-up. I’m still here for you – they’ll never take me from you.” The part where he says “their hearts don’t beat like ours” basically translates as “our hearts beat harder than theirs because we love two people at once”, hence him saying “mine beats twice as hard.” Also, he says “we’ll never be the same, like ghosts in the snow, like ghosts in the sun”, which I think means their feelings for each other won’t be visible to the outside world, because they won’t show affection or act on them anymore, but it still exists in their hearts. Oh, theories.

Can I also remind you at this point of the slogan Gerard came up with for SING: “Would you destroy something perfect, in order to make it beautiful?” Beautiful. The world is ugly, but you’re beautiful to me. He destroyed what he had with Frank and when their love became a tragedy, it became beautiful in Gerard’s eyes. He said around the time he wrote that song he was learning to see the beauty in everything… “The beauty in heartbreak.”. I hate Gerard sometimes. What a snobby art student, JC.

7. First Day Of My Life -Bright Eyes

“I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see”

Frank and Gerard have never known the easy way. Things have always been complicated – they were having an affair (Frank was married to Jamia at the time). Don’t tell me that’s not a delicate situation..
And just an extra sidenote: the song is by Bright Eyes, which is a band that him and Gerard went to see together in 2011.

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It’s extremely possible that, when listening to that band, he naturally thinks of Gerard and reminisces about that concert, and everything else. There’s likely to be a subconscious connection to Gerard in his mind when he listens to that band. I’m not Frank though, I’m just collecting theories.

8. Fix You -Coldplay

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

…When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth”

Okay, this isn’t a ‘song of the moment’, but I’m including it because it’s one of his favourite songs. And everything about this is so clear, it hurts. The fact that this is his favourite song. This song about a love that’s been lost and a heart that’s been broken in the process, which is something that obviously hits close to home for Frank.

Now, this is al for this edition of Mixtape Monday! I feel very strongly about Frerard and MCR as a whole, which is why I overanalyzed every sonng, the next times you’ll see a Mixtape Monday, they’ll be way, way shorter, sometimes even just being the playlist with a small description.

PSA:  I had been working last year, I just decided to finish it and post it now. Nothing is outdated, though, so it’s all good!

Juliette’s Balcony

We went to visit Juliette’s actual balcony while on out family holidays in Italy. You know, from Romeo and Juliet. This is located in Verona.

rtt tff tyy yutt

I really wanted to write something like Gerard+Frank or Gerard+Alice because I’m a huge dork, but I didn’t. I’m guessing somebody already wrote “frerard” on there. If not, I’m disappointed in the MCRmy.

#tbt @ Venice

So I was going through my pictures and I found ones from when I went to Venice with school. We only went there for a day, but it was amazing. Since we’re going back to Venetia next week, we’ll be visiting Venice and I thought it would be interesting to first make a post about the first time I went there. Maybe I’ll photograph some of the same buildings? Who knows! Now onto the pictures.

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Swiss Fantasy Show

So I went to the annual Swiss Fantasy Show and I had a lot of fun! I met Christopher Judge (and I cried tears of joy). Here are some pictures highlighting the day! I’m sorry for not being active. At all. I’m on holiday and I’ll post much more. Please enjoy the photos for the time being.



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I went to Bern, the political capital of Switzerland. It’s famous for it’s bear pit and for being ranked among the world’s top ten cities for the best quality of life!

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Le Saut Du Doubs

Yesterday, we drove to see the Saut du Doubs. It’s a 27 m waterfall that is located on the border between France and Switzerland.


To get there, we had to take a boat ride and then walk up a 400m slope to get to see the waterfall. It was very impressive to say the least!

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The weather wasn’t so great, it was raining a lot at the beginning but then the sky cleared up and everything was super pretty! It wasn’t very warm either…


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